im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Randomize
