Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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