Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
