We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
