your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
