1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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