please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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