I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
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