South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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