Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
