I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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