toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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