Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
