i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
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