we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
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