The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
