Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Randomize
