I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
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