if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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