yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Green mimosas i think yes
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
