You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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