hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
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