direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
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