Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
