tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
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