Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
You can't motorboat a personality
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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