You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
