after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Randomize
