Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
