I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
how do I tell him nicely and in french that we can't have sex anymore because his huge penis will ruin me for other french men?
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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