it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I need moral support for this bender
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
Randomize