He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Ahh good point. I got some interesting mental pics and I'm slowly entering a "fuck it, lets do weird shit" phase sexually, but you may have already figured that out since I've been fucking you sideways and upside down a lot lately.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
did i just pee glitter
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
