He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
Randomize
