she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
Seriously, I'm making a calendar and marking off the days with little penis's
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Randomize
