I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
sarcasm needs its own font
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
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