you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
