my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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