I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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