I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
