is it really weird I just got "suckable tits" in my honesty box and I'm flattered??
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Randomize
