Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
Randomize