How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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