someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
