Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
