just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
He's on the porch naked. Help.
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
