Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
True college students do jello shots in the library
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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