also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Randomize
