just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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