Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Randomize