hahahahahahhahahahaha. 26, Dominican, has a funny accent, thinks I'm hot. Tots boning.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Randomize
