your profile still reads that you like women...interesting? I think there is some photography and video that will show otherwise
So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Randomize
