my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
