Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
OPIZZABONMYDICK
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
