Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I masturbated to my balding thirty-something co-worker last night. I am a new level of lonely.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
