i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
