Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
