420 ftw
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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