I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
She was giving me a handjob while I was wearing a sombrero with a beer in one hand and a hammer in the other.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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