i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
