They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
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