Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
