I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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