I'm sorry my penis didn't work
How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
