Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
where are you?
Hypothermia
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Randomize
