In America we eat man semen.
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
Its not personal, its just business. I'm the Donald Trump of blowjobs.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
