Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
So, last night I fell asleep sitting Indian-style on the floor, propped up against the front of the couch with an empty wine bottle in between my legs... How was your night?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
Randomize
