I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
