I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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