At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
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