apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
