ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
