She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
