The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
Randomize
