Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
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