my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
Randomize