i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
