the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
Randomize
