I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
