At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
You smell like stripper and shame
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Randomize
