We named our party play list daddy issues
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
