I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
