sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
