Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize
