I hate all girls vehemently.
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
