i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Randomize
